Everything You Need is Right Here
by werks
Summary: At the request of a friend, a one-shot (or more) playing off a missing scene at the end of Season 8's premiere "Cutting Losses" to somehow make sense out of what felt like a disappointing spliced and splintered returning storyline for our Jamko pair.
1. Chapter 1

Everything You Need is Right Here

 _At the request of a friend, a one-shot of a missing scene at the end of Season 8's premiere "Cutting Losses" to somehow make sense out of what felt like a disappointing spliced and splintered returning storyline for our Jamko pair._

* * *

"Well, that went better than I thought it would… maybe," Erin sounded entirely unconvinced while Henry and Frank continued their extended twilight goodbyes at the door under the porch light as she joined her younger brother outside at the curb in front of the newly rented three-story house in Staten Island that was set to serve as a jumping off point for Danny and the boys in the next chapter of their post-fire, post-Linda lives together.

"Yeah, maybe," Jamie agreed with an equally heavy heart as he leaned against the hood of his black Saleen Mustang and flashed back on everything that had brought them to this point… another awful series of calls from his father late at night: the first to inform him that his brother's family home had been targeted by a Mexican drug cartel firebomb, and the next not so many weeks later just as that shock was beginning to wear down—another accident—another Reagan life snuffed out too soon when his sister-in-law had been lost amid a tragic medical helicopter crash over the Hudson. The months since those two events had been a blur, for the most part, filled with feelings dredged up from the past—the disappearance of another mother-figure and sibling from his life, abject worry over his older brother who was apparently more fractured by the loss of his soulmate than any of them could fathom—well, maybe not his dad and grandfather who had faced the same sort of grief in their lives. _Just look at that table in there tonight,_ Jamie thought as he tried to understand Frank's comment about everything Danny needed being right here—they weren't right? Not with so many missing: Mom, Joe, Grandma Betty and now Linda too—all the empty chairs meant to be occupied for such a short time according to his father—three widowed Reagan men, a dead brother, a divorcee for a sister and, well, he wasn't sure how to term himself, what had Erin called him, the spinster uncle? Hardly the big, happy Irish Catholic family they once had the potential to be before so many headstones were added to that row in the Bay Ridge cemetery.

"I think he's better," Erin nodded as she was having similar thoughts and instead continued to try to convince herself that they had done the right thing by booting her older brother out of the comforts of the family nest. "He's working again and stopped talking about putting in his papers… he'll have to come home for the boys instead of relying on Dad and Grandpa to do everything for him. It's a fresh start. This will give him a reason to move forward. He just has to stop blaming himself for everything."

"Hope so," Jamie replied blankly with no other input since despite the good, light-hearted front he had tried to put up tonight, he felt drained as though he was running out of things to say and do for Danny that would make a difference at this point. There were only so many times he could try to fill a little of the quiet void Linda left with invitations out for a beer or a game somewhere. Sooner or later his brother was going to have to face the fact that his life and home––this new home–– would never feel the soft touch of his wife's hand again.

"You need a ride?" he offered instead and looked for a reason to leave and get some space given the fact that it seemed like Frank and Henry were wrapping things up now and he couldn't in good conscience just ditch her since Erin had accompanied him here on the touchy task of ambushing Danny with this grand reveal in the first place.

"No, I was going to go back to Dad's… aren't you? You know to help them pack up the rest of their stuff, so the boys and Danny have more than a change of clothes and their toothbrushes here for tomorrow. Wanna come?" she brightened at the thought of not being alone herself that night given the feelings Jack's recent stabbing had stirred up. "It'll only take a half hour or so between the two of us, and you could have your old room back once we move Sean's stuff out. He found your copy of that movie _Legally Blonde_ in the back of your closet the other day. We could eat popcorn and make fun of Reese Witherspoon and Matthew Davis. Remember? He couldn't propose to her because she was too blonde, so she got into Harvard to win him back? 'You got into Harvard Law'" she quoted Davis' voice with a laugh. "'What, like it's hard?'" she shifted to mock Witherspoon. "C'mon, Jamie! You loved that movie! You always said he was so right about blondes and that's why brunettes were your type."

"Erin, that's a chick flick, and it was _your_ copy. I hid it back there because I was sick of watching it," Jamie sighed with the thought that maybe his tastes had changed over the years and that one girl, in particular, had blurred dividing line between fair and darker-haired interests. "Raincheck… okay? I gotta go, early shift tomorrow," he begged off instead with a false excuse offering a "love you, sis," and a peck on her cheek before climbing behind the wheel, the satisfying rumble of the heavy engine coming to life and drowning everything else out to serve as a needed oasis of solitude after the stress of the day. He pulled away from the curb with a quick wave to his patriarchs as they were coming down the front steps.

"Jamie's heading home already?" Frank assumed from the direction as he walked up alongside his daughter on the sidewalk. "I thought he might come back with us for a scotch. We all could use a good stiff belt after a day like this," he acknowledged with a sad nod back to the house.

"He never does that anymore, does he? I mean just hang around at home with the rest of us?" Erin questioned with a frown as Henry joined them and the trio watched the Mustang's taillights disappear down the road. "Danny, sure... he makes a point to go out with him at least once a week since it happened, but otherwise he's always busy, and on Sundays, he's been leaving pretty much right after dinner. I feel like I don't even know what's going on in his life," she worried.

"Other than when he comes to pick his brother up, he has been a little quiet and keeping his distance too much since Danny and the boys were living with us, Francis," Henry agreed as their focus turned while he thought back over Jamie's actions the past few months. "He doesn't even talk about the job anymore after that CO of his split him and his partner up over that silly pranking thing. I haven't heard him so much as mention Eddie's name once since then, and I don't think he even requested to be reassigned to her when their month probation was up… those two were joined at the hip before, going out after work all the time. Maybe they had a falling out, or she found a boyfriend or something. You need to talk to him. Linda's death has been hard on him too, and he probably doesn't want to saddle us with his problems right now, but the boy doesn't have anyone else. You know how he shuts down sometimes," he added with his concern growing as the spotlight shifted from older to younger grandson.

"That's right, Dad! Jamie needs someone to be there for him too!" Erin insisted.

"Now hold on... he's not twelve years old, and I've interfered enough in one son's life for the day," Frank admitted out loud while keeping patently silent about the fact that he had indeed noticed the same about his youngest weeks ago, and had already meddled by covertly arranging through channels for Jamie and Eddie to ride together again that week in hopes that would knock him out of the funk he had fallen into. "We'll just keep an eye on him for now, and hope for the best," he added as he pulled out his cell to send out a quick text while his detail pulled up to the curb and he ushered his daughter and father inside the SUV for the ride back to Bay Ridge.

Jamie's phone had buzzed multiple times in his pocket during the drive home to alert him to the fact that not one or two, but three family members had tried to touch base with him immediately after his abrupt departure. Now that progress had been made on the Danny front, he knew it would only be a matter of time before their focus would shift towards him and his recent subdued change in behavior, although given the fact it had happened in a matter of mere minutes was a testament that the jig was closer to being up than he had anticipated. Determined to ignore them at the very least until he had put enough distance between to warrant a complete escape for the night, he purposely waited until he arrived in Brooklyn Heights and pulled the car up in front of his apartment building before lifting the device out of his pocket to scroll through the missed notification screen.

 _Monday night beers?_ came the first inquiry, obviously a thinly veiled direct order to appear at the family home the following day for a debriefing from his father who had likely already put a hand in to stir the pot given that sudden about-face their CO had presented when announcing during roll call two nights ago that 12-David would be riding together again. What was that Frank Reagan saying? 'Nobody comes out here for just a beer. Sunday dinner, sure, but, uh, not Monday night beers'... No one was invited for just that either. Had the Commissioner fathomed that his and Eddie's first night back in the car as partners would wind up with them arriving at the nightclub scene of six OD's from fentanyl-laced heroin and morph into a subsequent rapidly formed undercover stint with narcotics to nail the dealer, he might have had serious second thoughts with his plan.

 _Alston's this week?_ was the next brief invitation delivered from a now-suspicious sister who dangled a favored restaurant meeting place under his nose and had apparently not taken kindly to being stood up for her cherished teenaged movie and popcorn night. Any further ducking and diving out of her reach were likely to turn her attention to him like a dog on a steak bone to figure out why he was suddenly evasive. Jamie sighed and wondered just how long he could reasonably put her off before she called in the cavalry or showed up unannounced at his door.

 _Thanks, kid. I owe you one - on me next time..._ was the last message to appear and the straw that finally broke the dam on Jamie's heart. He had spent months winding his emotions over Linda's death into a tightly held ball in the pit of his stomach, absorbing what he could take off his brother's anger and grief and carrying that away from his older sibling in an effort to provide a target to vent, a shoulder to cry on and an ear to confide in to help lessen the load... afraid to let any of that go in front of his family who was likewise grieving in their own ways. With everyone understandably more worried over Danny's shocked state and the way the boys were coping with the loss of their mother than anything else, he owed it to them not to take a bit of the spotlight from their needs by revealing the truth about what had been going on in his own life, but here… here was the first sign he had been praying for that his brother was looking ahead so perhaps it was time to bring the rest into the open.

Suddenly feeling the exhaustive effects of shouldering such a weight for so long, Jamie was thankful to turn the keys on the door to his apartment a few minutes later and walk into the darkened space with hardly a glance around or bothering to turn on a lamp before collapsing full-length on the couch and wishing for nothing more than to melt away into the leather and forget everything the past few months had brought with them… well, almost everything…

"Jamie?" came the soft inquiry from the hallway as the switch clicked on, flooding the room in a narrow tunnel of light and revealing the feminine, silhouette outline of someone who had come to be his own personal rock through this storm… one that had knowingly arrived banging at his door demanding entry late that terrible night after news of the helicopter crash had spread across the department and who had not left his proverbial side since, content to remain anonymous until the Reagan family had healed enough to draw another presence in its midst and someone else to occupy a missing chair at Sunday dinners. Edit Marie Janko had already moved to fill that space in his heart, and this time there were no walls between them to keep those long-held feelings apart.

"How'd it go tonight?" came her worried inquiry.

"Good," he replied with no other details required and sat up a little to make room for her warmth next to him, a soft oversized t-shirt and shorts suddenly more sexy and comforting to him than anything else he could imagine. "They, um… they're home now," he reported as his voice broke and suddenly so did everything else as it was her turn to once again mop up the raw emotions that had been hidden from everyone else. "Danny… I think he's gonna be okay," he finally managed to let go of that fear that his sole surviving brother's world had been rocked beyond repair.

"That's good," she soothed with a satisfied kiss on his cheek and snuggled in closer to his chest as his arm tightened around her shoulders. "I know you've been so worried about him and wanting to keep this to ourselves because of that… and I've been worried about you holding all this in, but now this week with us getting thrown back together as partners, especially going undercover… we can't let that happen again if this is gonna work, right? Not that I didn't enjoy having the chance to be your arm candy on that bust," she smirked.

"I know, it just caught me off guard… I never expected the CO would put us back together at the last minute without asking. We'll talk to him tomorrow… pretty sure Dad had something to do with it, anyway. Now that he's handled Danny I don't think we'll be able to keep this under the radar anymore," he admitted before leaning over to seek her lips as his hands traced down the soft curves under the t-shirt, slowly lifting it over her head to reveal everything that he had been waiting for all of these years. "And I don't think I want to, lambchop; it's time to tell them."

"At Sunday dinner?" she cringed at the thought of announcing this previously forbidden relationship to the Commissioner and the rest of the Reagan family that way.

"No, not somewhere so in their face or stressful... how about Monday night beers and dinner at Alston's on Tuesday after work?" he compromised instead as his bright eyes locked on hers while a new chapter in their lives opened.

"And what exactly are you going to say to them after we walk in?"

"That everything I need is right here," he replied as they fell together.

* * *

 _Okay, a girl can hope, can't she? I just needed a little Jamko fluff to carry me on through this season until (if) we ever get to see it on screen. That's all for this one. :)_


	2. Monday Night Beers

Monday Night Beers

 _Yes I know, I'm back with another chapter for what was supposed to be a one-shot, but there were some kind requests to carry this through as far as the family reveals, so in addition to this one with Frank and Henry, we'll maybe have two more to add covering dinner with Erin and then eventually something with Danny if my muse keeps whispering. I'll try to flavor it with some of the storylines from season 8, but no doubt will have to take some liberties to make it a little more Jamko-centric._

* * *

A low cat call whistle turned Eddie's head from further down the hallway when she exited the women's locker room at the 12th precinct, appropriately dressed casually but respectfully for her momentous evening as she prepared to cross over to the men's side to see if Jamie had finally returned from the end of his tour and was ready to go.

"Looking gooood, Janko... Got a hot date tonight?" Officer Paul Delman snickered while passing by on his way towards the front doors, appearing likewise in street clothes now that his shift was over for the day. "Kelsey and I are heading over to O'Sullivan's for a beer. You and Reagan want to join us?… I mean since you're just partners, and there's nothing going on between the two of you," he added with lighthearted sarcasm considering the scene between the four of them the previous year on the street when he and his former partner had been caught out fraternizing when a disagreement had turned into a blatant lover's quarrel.

"Stuff it, Paul," Eddie bit back before breaking into a bright smile in spite of the constant ribbing she had endured all day long at the hands of her own platoon as every officer that passed by felt obliged to take a free shot and point out what had been evident to everyone else for years. This was just the way things were going to go for now she resolved since the cat was officially out of the couple's bag after an early morning meeting with their CO.

"So, who's switching houses?" Delman inquired with interest given the fact that it had been his girlfriend, now fiancé, to take that hit for a move when their own on-the-job affair went public and the department policy governing such relationships kicked into effect.

"Neither one of us just yet," Eddie admitted with a little sigh at the uncertainty still attached to that aspect going forward. On top of that, it was starting to get late with no sign of Jamie and her nerves had been fraying all day at the prospect of his plan to just drop by the Commissioner's house in Bay Ridge tonight unannounced to launch this bombshell over a few drinks with his dad and grandfather. "The boss wasn't too happy, and threatened Jamie with a three-day RIP as the senior partner for not speaking up last week when we got put back together in the car after all these months, but staffing is so low here right now he backed down which is why today I got to stay in-house filing summons while Jamie partnered up with Welch. For the next couple of shifts, it'll stay that way and then he's gonna take straight midnights to fill in a hole there while I'm on one of the other tours until we get this figured out and they can find a replacement at another precinct for one of us to switch with."

"That sucks, but it'll work out," Delman encouraged. "Kels and I actually get along a lot better at home without being together in the car all day too. She's happy at the 3-1. Maybe you can transfer over there, so you know some people."

"Yeah, maybe…" Eddie hemmed anxiously at the thought of her lost partnership though while glancing at her phone again. Despite focusing on nothing else for the past twenty-four hours, she was not ready to face that decision now with so much more to come that evening as the specter of meeting Frank and Henry Reagan to reveal this new relationship status loomed larger instead. "Is Jamie in there?" she nodded back to the men's door impatiently. "I haven't heard from him all afternoon," she added with a twinge of disappointment, and honestly a bit of jealousy that he had pulled the street tour over paperwork today.

"No, at least I don't think so; haven't seen him or Welch come in yet," Delmen advised. "They were assigned to the north sector today, and it was crazy out there. Lot's of nuts drinking since the crack of dawn on the holiday… everyone's out partying. You were lucky to stay in; I hate working most Labor Days. At least we didn't pull crowd control duty... heard there was a big brawl in Brooklyn at the West Indian American Day Parade too. Reagan and Tim probably just caught another call right at the end of shift. I really wouldn't worry about it..." he trailed off while both their mouths dropped open as the previously unaccounted for partners for the day rounded the corner patting each other on the back, one more pumped than the other and looking like they had thoroughly enjoyed their shift together. Certainly, it didn't seem as if Jamie had missed riding with his long-time workmate and newly declared love in the least bit.

Eddie frowned.

"Damn," Delmen muttered while he took in his co-worker's unexpected elated state which was not the norm given the tough holiday conditions. "And mom and dad here were getting worried since you kids were out so late," he mocked in parental fashion as he wrapped an arm around Eddie's shoulders and tapped his foot for emphasis. "You two have a good day?"

"The best!" Welch purported with another slap on Jamie's shoulder while his cohort was sporting a megawatt grin that hadn't been seen in months since a certain helicopter crash had knocked the wind out of all the Reagan sails. "This guy here's the man!" he declared.

"What d'you do, deliver a baby?" Eddie asked with a semi-sarcastic half-laugh. While she was glad to see him looking daresay, like the Jamie Reagan of old, there was still some hurt evident at watching him move past the fact that their work partnership was finite without a seeming second thought.

"Better!" Welch continued to pontificate while Jamie had yet to say a word and seemed happily oblivious to how he was currently being viewed given the way he was misreading a certain blonde's expression at the moment. "He brought an eighteen-year-old girl back from the dead right in front of my eyes! Got her pulse going and had her breathing again before the EMTs even got there. She would have been gone for sure otherwise."

"Really?" Delman prodded with more interest in the details now. "What d'you do?" he repeated the demand.

"Gave her the magic bullet, baby!" Welch reported even as Jamie finally started to blush with the over-the-top praise given the circumstances and finally spoke out to downplay all the hype.

"Came across a girl, Gina Walker, down… passed out in her car stopped at an intersection at West 44th and Eleventh," Jamie explained the basics. "Broke the back window, pulled her out and started CPR. Welch found a syringe in the car door compartment, so he took over compressions, and I administered the Naloxone… could have been either one of us. It took a little while, but she came around some, and we got her to Lenox Hill in time. She's on a drip there until the rest of the heroin is out of her system and we can bring her in and process her tomorrow. She's so young, Ed," he added shaking his head and finally focused back on her. "Like really young and clueless… almost never got the chance to get any older. Doesn't look mature enough to be out there around that stuff in the first place."

"Wow, so you did it? You saved her?"

"That drug saved her, not me."

"You _and_ the miracle drug," Eddie reminded with emphasis. "I mean over half of us have gone through the Naloxone training since they rolled out the initiative to have cops carry it, but I'd still be scared to make that call and actually use it," she added, pushing past her other feelings of insecurity given their changing personal dynamic, and suddenly glad now that he'd had something so satisfying to latch onto after this rough private patch since Linda's death. With all the other Reagans rightfully more concerned and focused over Danny and his boys, Jamie's admitted adverse reaction to losing his sister-in-law had been much more subdued and sort of skated under everyone else's radar but her own as he focused on nothing else but to try to provide an outlet for Danny's grief while keeping his own emotions held tightly in check.

"Yeah, well, I'm not too sure about it either," Delman admitted and took an opposing view. "I mean on the one hand we've got addicts carrying it around now because that makes an overdose less scary and they can get it at the local CVS without a script, but if something happens when a cop gives it we'll be sued out of our pension. C'mon, we've all seen it before… sometimes things get pretty damn out of hand when those hardcore junkies wake up all agitated and pumped like the Hulk then see a bunch of uniforms standing over them," he observed. "Takes more than two people to hold them down, and then half of them are just pissed we ruined their high and go out the same day and do it again. Rather have it be the EMT's ass on the line than mine if something goes wrong… and you _know_ it will happen to at least one of us, probably sooner than later. Plus now instead of these overdoses being classed as medical emergencies, we have to treat the locations of heroin and opioid deaths as crime scenes and then follow up before we hand off the cases to those new detective units they're setting up to focus on narcotics trafficking… like we didn't have enough paperwork to do before."

"He's right about that," Welch agreed. "On the other hand, they're pushing the NYPD to expand public awareness of the New York State Good Samaritan Law, which supposedly protects people seeking medical care for overdose victims, as well as for themselves, from incidental arrest for drug possession and use… 'We're not looking to make arrests here, but rather to save lives,'" he quoted the latest doctrine from the mount. "Then they tell us to process the vics… can't have it both ways."

"So he saved her, but now her life gets ruined by the system," Eddie concluded with a sigh. "That sort of sucks too if it was a one time mistake. I know at her age I didn't always make the best decisions either."

"She's just a kid," Jamie reiterated although he acknowledged he had been on the fence about many of the same issues before. "There's a local soccer club sticker on her car. Dollars to donuts she had an injury and was prescribed Oxy, then got hooked once the script ran out. Maybe we can at least help some of those situations," he added wistfully as seeing all these unnecessary deaths had begun to wear on him as of late. "Face it, we're not putting a dent in this epidemic otherwise, and I'm not exaggerating... it feels like every other call we go out on lately involves kids plus drugs equals tragedy. The numbers go up by almost fifty percent each year, and the fatal overdose toll is more than twice the combined number of murders and traffic deaths in the city now."

"You're right," Delmen conceded and immediately regretted coming off as the resident Debbie Downer given Jamie's stark shift in demeanor. "But either way it was a victory for the good guys today, right? So this calls for some kind of celebration. Offer still stands for the beer at O'Sullivan's… I'm buying the first round. Monday is ladies' night, but yours turned me down flat earlier," he smirked and nudged Eddie.

"Right, beers after work! Jesus! I'm sorry, Ed! I got all caught up with this and forgot!" Jamie quickly refocused and realized there had already been a huge commitment made for tonight at a particular house in Bay Ridge, and they were going to be too late with an important announcement if he didn't get a move on it before his father could read the daily precinct briefings as was his habit every evening. "Give me two minutes to change, and we'll get going," he added while putting his arm up on the locker room door to push through and disappear.

"So you guys are coming then?" Delman puzzled at that sudden turn and reaction. "That's great. Tim, you're invited too, man. Kelsey's meeting us there, so the more, the merrier."

"No, um… we're actually going to talk to Jamie's dad tonight," Eddie revealed. "He, uh… and well, the rest of the family didn't know about all this going on with us either. We kept it quiet until now because of what happened to Danny's wife, so when the Commissioner reads the 5's from this precinct… well, he's gonna find out one way or another," she swallowed. "It'll be better coming from us first, but he's a real stickler for the chain of command and rules and stuff, so I don't know how he'll react. Jamie says not to worry, but I'm thinking we both could be looking for a new career tomorrow, anyway."

"Whoa. No wonder Reagan was a live wire in the car all day before this," Welch noted. "I thought he was just jittery because the CO reamed him out this morning, but fessing up to playing hanky-panky with my partner in front of the Commish, even if he was my dad… well, I'll give it to you, Janko... I'd be needing something a hell of a lot stronger than a beer before I got there," he admitted before upping the ante and adding to a tempting offer. "Second round's on me."

"Yeah," Eddie gulped dryly at the notion that despite his assurances Jamie had been a nervous wreck about this too as the iron butterflies fluttering in her stomach returned in full force and were now clanging on her sides in a seemingly desperate attempt to escape. _What the hell were we thinking?_ She glanced at the door he had disappeared behind and started to panic now that the line of no return had been crossed.

"Maybe we'll just take you up on that."

###

"I'm thinking of breaking out something a little stronger than beer tonight, Francis," Henry Reagan called into the kitchen after he heard the telltale clinking of long-necks being stocked together on the top shelf of the refrigerator to chill in anticipation of a visit and much needed father-son-grandfather talk. "Jamie's looked like he could use a stiff belt or two lately, and he brought me a fifth of Black Barrel a few weeks ago that we haven't cracked yet. Besides," he added dryly. "Considering the day you had at the West Indian Day Parade I can't believe you'd want to see another beer bottle up close so soon. Next time duck faster and let that interim lady mayor take the hit. They were probably aiming for her, anyway."

"We were walking separately," Frank gruffed in offense considering his reluctance to attend the event in the first place even as he stood up and fingered the stiff bandage on the side of his left eye covering a steri-stripped cut courtesy of a solid strike from a well-thrown but thankfully empty brown stubby. "Let's just not talk about it," he begged, dreading the inevitable questions that would be sure to follow from the rest of the family members, especially their resident mother hen, Erin. "My detail caught the guy; he was drunk… end of story."

"Not until after there was a big brawl to go along with it," Henry tutted. "Besides, something like that happens up there every year; it's no wonder none of the patrol guys want to be assigned to it. I rather talk about that then keep my tongue over everything else."

"Pop, I thought we agreed this wasn't going to be an inquisition," Frank reminded in what he knew would be a losing battle anyway, as he joined his father in the living room where there were already three tumblers set up across the coffee table with a more than generous two fingers of the infamous Jameson amber liquid poured inside and waiting. "We're just going to try to loosen him up a little to get him talking so we can find out where he's at with all of this. Linda's death hit us all hard, and now that Danny and the boys have made a step forward by moving into the new house, I just want to make sure Jamie knows he can still come to us if he needs to. He's been more worried about his brother than anything else lately."

"He's been hiding something, Francis," Henry insisted as he had tried and clearly failed to read his youngest grandson for weeks now, and that honestly nicked his Irish detective's pride. "Enough is enough. He might not want to saddle us with any more problems, but I'm sure as hell gonna find out what this is all about before we have something else to deal with here. The boy doesn't have anyone else to confide in now that Eddie isn't his partner anymore, and you know how he shuts down sometimes… I think he needs a good woman in his life," he noted, not imagining that Jamie had already come to the same conclusion and was about to disclose it in memorable fashion.

"Don't we all," Frank countered with a flustered huff as he sat down.

"Sydney's been gone almost eight years and seeing what Danny lost is just reminding him of what he never had with her."

"Oh, boy, here we go with Dr. Phil," his son groaned as he could see the path the evening was bound to take and for a half second considered texting his youngest to warn him off before he could fall into his grandfather's clutches, but in truth he had been hoping to see if there had been any positive improvement in Jamie's demeanor since his own underhanded attempt to re-partner him with one Officer Edit Marie Janko the previous week despite the fact that the two had not made such a request since being separated months earlier. Even with that thought in mind, he never expected what was to happen next as the unmistakable lights and noise of the Mustang's grumbling engine pulling up to the curb alerted them to Jamie's arrival.

"He's here," Frank noted with relief.

"He's late," Henry observed with a frown. "That boy is never off without a good reason, Francis… not like Danny who's always fifteen minutes behind. If he can do that why can't he manage to be consistently on time?" he griped with an all too familiar pet peeve.

"Have a whiskey, Pop," his son advised, trying to take the edge off his father before getting up to greet his youngest at the front entry, puzzled initially by the polite knock that summoned him there instead of the usual sound of keys in the lock since his children were always welcomed in the home at any time as if it were still their own… that was until he looked through the peephole which immediately pinpointed the reason for such a change.

"Make that two, you're going to need them," Frank Reagan coughed out in surprise before quickly opening the door to reveal a bashful, smiling couple standing on the stoop, with Jamie and Eddie clinging to each other arm in arm; his son nervously chewing his lip.

"I think we'll have plenty to talk about now."

###

"Have another, Eddie," a decidedly tipsy Henry Reagan encouraged as he poured yet another celebratory finger of single malt for their guest. "We haven't had good news in this house for months. I've already cut Jamie off since he's driving though," he warned.

"Thank you, sir… Henry," Eddie corrected as she had already been reminded multiple times that there were no sirs in this house, although she had yet to find the courage to call Frank by his first name or make extended eye contact with her ultimate boss since her arrival a few hours ago. "But I really can't since I'm working first shift tomorrow, although filing summons isn't the same as being out in the street," she admitted quietly, her tongue loosened a little by the fine liquor.

"About that," the Reagan family patriarch contemplated. "What are you going to do, Francis? It's sort of your fault these kids caught hell from their CO in the first place. If you hadn't interfered, then they'd still be partnered with other people."

"While in the same precinct," Frank reminded with a frown.

"Pish, posh," Henry tutted. "Like that's not done in every house in the city…"

"Besides, there are rules and...

"...chain of command," Jamie finished for his father with a guilty smirk even though Frank's reaction had been decidedly low key if not edged with a sigh of relief that his son's recent change in behavior had a benign if not joyful reason behind it. "It's okay, Pop. Eddie and I knew the line we were walking, and we're prepared to take what's coming," he assured. "I'm not gonna try to play any hook. It was my fault that we ended up in the car together again last week… I should have spoken up right away, so I asked the boss to transfer me as soon as anything opens up no matter where it is. I want her to stay at the 12th. Until then we just won't be scheduled on the street together on the same shift. After tomorrow I'll go on midnights to make it easier."

"I just wish you would have come to me earlier," Frank reiterated. "I wouldn't have made that move, and you could have saved me a few sleepless nights worrying about you," he chastised.

"I know, and I'm sorry," Jamie sighed as he looked down and he could feel Eddie reach for his hand on top of the table since to this day explaining how he felt about certain things never failed to choke him up. "I just couldn't… I needed this," he squeezed her fingers back, "to be separate from what happened to Danny and the boys for a while. It didn't feel right to be…"

"Happy?" his father cut in while he nodded in understanding. "Jamie, that's not what your brother or Linda would have wanted for you."

"Yeah, I know that too," his youngest son concluded sadly as he continued to stare down at the bottle of beer he had been nursing while tearing the label off for the past hour. "I was just so worried about him, and I had some of my own things to work through I guess, but having Eddie there sure helped with that… I couldn't have done it without her. She was with me from that first night," he admitted as his eyes came up, relief spreading through every fiber of his being that all of this was coming out in the open now.

"And I didn't want to intrude," she added sincerely while looking at the two older men. "It wasn't my place, and I can only imagine how much your whole family is still hurting. I just wanted to make sure Jamie was okay."

"Well, for that favor we will be forever grateful," Henry acknowledged as he smiled at the pretty blonde that he had taken an instant liking to, as opposed to Sydney who had always seemed to be more work to talk to than she was worth. "But it's time you two were able to enjoy things like Sunday's here together, and that means…"

"Telling everyone else," Jamie surmised ruefully, wishing he could just quit while they were ahead. "Already on that," he admitted. "We're having dinner with Erin and Nicki tomorrow, although they probably won't be expecting a table for four, especially the way this one eats," he chuckled and reached over to give Eddie a playful peck on the cheek now that a little PDA was permitted and much of the night's tension seemed past.

"And Danny?" his grandfather prodded.

"That… I'm just not sure of, Pop," came the wavering reply. "I guess I'll know the right time when it comes."

* * *

 _So the next chapter entitled "Comfort Food" is in the "werks" maybe for next week, and will include the rest of the sad fallout from Jamie's recent S8:05 overdose storyline plus Erin's reaction to the news there will be a new womanly influence in her younger brother's life as well as at the family dinner table. Taking suggestions on how to handle the Danny chapter though since that one hasn't completely come to me yet… might have to wait for another few episodes to see how he is taking things on the show._


	3. Comfort Food

Comfort Food

 _Death in Custody._ Those three words were among the most feared and dreaded in an officer's vocabulary, to be followed immediately of course by the inevitable Internal Affairs investigation—or rather _interrogation_ as Eddie preferred to term it as she gritted her teeth and stayed silent while covertly eavesdropping in a corner just down the hall from the room in which Jamie was currently being subjected to a scathing interview by IAB Sergeant Martinez after Gina Walker had collapsed and died in the hallway at the 12th precinct earlier in the day.

"Let me clarify," Martinez was harping in a smug voice. "You left her alone out of a cell for long enough to go unconscious and be surrounded by a dozen or so officers."

"To talk to her parents," Jamie defended although he knew he was going to be nailed for that major infringement of policy no matter what happened.

"Where she subsequently died." The silence that followed was telling as Eddie knew how hard Jamie was taking this.

"Do you let all of your prisoners make themselves at home in the precinct?" Martinez continued to bait, clearly taking pleasure with his role in this situation.

"Of course not."

"So you extend that courtesy to just the females?" the IA Sergeant accused over the objections of Jamie's union rep.

"She was a kid; she needed her parents."

"Technically she was eighteen years old."

"Have you ever met an eighteen-year-old?" Jamie's frustration was evident now.

"That attitude isn't going to help the fact that you and your partner failed to follow proper procedure!"

"Officer Welch had nothing to do with this. I was the arresting officer, and I administered the Naloxone," he tried without success to take the solo fall since Welch had been nowhere near the incident in the hallway even though by regulation he should have accompanied Jamie to the hospital and seen things through on Gina's arrest. Instead, he had opted to stay at the precinct and catch up on the extensive paperwork now required in these narcotics cases so would receive a three-day rip himself.

"How much previous training did you have with the Naloxone device?" Martinez prodded.

"I attended the department training."

"Do you believe you administered the fluids correctly?"

"I did it as I was taught," came the cold, defensive answer.

"And when you came across Ms. Walker unconscious, the second time, did you use Naloxone?"

"No, other officers were already trying to revive her."

"Without success," came the intentional hit again as Eddie's hands balled up while she recalled the look on Jamie's face when they had rounded the corner out of the breakroom to come across the scene in the hallway.

Suddenly what had the potential to be one of the happiest days of her life at a time when they were finally secure and confident enough in their relationship to come out to the rest of the Reagan family, and in particular Erin and Nicki during a planned dinner that evening, now came crashing down around them as Jamie's frantic resuscitation efforts had failed and Gina Marie Walker had been declared dead a short time later. His defense that he administered the Naloxone correctly and that it must have been the hospital's fault for releasing the young woman before they heroin was sufficiently cleared from her system appeared to likewise fall on deaf ears, and had him questioning whether he had done the right thing by using the drug instead of waiting for the EMTs in the first place.

"Jamie… hey, wait!" Eddie called out to him as she emerged from the cubicle while he turned heel in the opposite direction to head directly for the men's locker room after the interview ended abruptly once he was advised of his suspension pending further investigation and required attendance at a retraining session in the meantime.

"Not now, Ed, please," he tried but failed to keep his emotions in check as his jaw clenched before she followed him inside anyway as he banged his locker open before hastily starting to change into his street clothes without meeting her eyes once. "I just don't want to talk about it anymore, okay? I have to get out of here," he reiterated while pulling on his tee and stuffing his uniform shirt into his duffle unceremoniously.

"Okay, but where are you going?" she worried as at this pace he would be bolting for the exit before she had a chance to slow him down. "Listen, I'm off shift in a couple of hours… I'll meet you back at your apartment. You can call your sister and cancel so we can just stay in..."

"No it's too late for that," he paused for a moment to stare straight ahead and consider that dilemma. Erin was already suspicious that something was up given the barrage of probing texts he had received from her earlier in the day when life was good, and Gina Walker was still very much alive. After that playful back and forth banter if he didn't meet his sister as promised at Alston's for dinner, she would just show up at some inopportune and potentially embarrassing moment, especially when she caught wind of what had happened here today.

"We can't put it off now that Dad and Pop already know, and I drove," he remembered, and Eddie was shocked as he tossed over the keys to his beloved Mustang. "Take it… Alston's on 13th and 57th in Borough Park at six-thirty," he proposed instead while zipping up his bag.

"Wait, what?" she replied with concern as she was caught off guard; Jamison Reagan would never give up his ride like that if he were thinking clearly. "You want me to go to dinner with your sister and niece alone?"

"No, I'll catch the train and meet you there. I have to get down to Lafayette and Nostrand in Brooklyn by three. They're making me register for a Naloxone retraining course at a center there… as if that'll help anything now," he explained in frustration as he closed the door and clicked the lock in place before continuing under his breath. "Like I didn't do it right the first time. Martinez… he practically accused me of causing this…"

"Jamie, that's just the way IAB works… they're trying to rattle you and cover their asses at the same time," she tried to assure him. "Welch was there… he said you did the right thing. She would have never made it until the EMTs got to her if you had waited."

"I know… it's just…" he swallowed as the guilt welled up in his chest as the second-guessing had started, anyway. If only he hadn't gone to the hospital to bring Gina back to the precinct so early this morning… she had been really out of it yesterday, not twenty-four hours before; anyone could see that… he _should_ have seen that. If Linda had been there, she would have yelled at him and told him to hold off; he swallowed at that realization. Maybe that was part of the reason he had been such an ass the first time, despite the months since his sister-in-law's loss it was there that he still had the hardest time remembering she was really gone and not just standing around the corner somewhere in the ER like a thousand times before. Even Welch had shown Gina more empathy while he had played the tough guy and tried to scare her, honestly pissed at first that a kid with all of those advantages, not unlike his own, would get caught up in that crap. If he had only waited instead of rushing over there to clear the arrest so they could get back on the street then maybe she would have collapsed where they would have had the tools to save her… certainly not in the hallway here after he had screwed up royally again by being a softie as Eddie had called him and letting Gina's parents see her. What was he thinking? Would he have done that for the usual type of junkie they ran across? Not likely. Those self-doubts Martinez planted were taking root.

"It's just... if I miss the one this afternoon I'll have to wait a week for the next, and I just want to get it over with, alright?" he covered instead with a renewed edge to his voice as the walls were closing in, and he needed to be away—out in the air somewhere where there weren't so many eyes focused on him—not even the pair of concerned blue ones that had seen him through so much as of late. "They're still investigating. Who knows how long I'll be suspended for?"

"Okay," she frowned before stopping him with a hand to his arm and a reassuring squeeze as he tried to dart past and make his escape. "Just promise me you won't stand me up tonight, alright?"

###

"Jamison Reagan, I swear if you stood me up here tonight, I will hunt you down and kill you," Eddie seethed quietly from behind the wheel of the Mustang as she found herself sitting conspicuously in his tell-tale car parked in front of what was purported to be his favorite go-to family restaurant. Several calls to his phone had gone directly to voicemail which left her with a conundrum. Where was he? Was he inside waiting for her as promised, or had he bailed in his current state? What would happen if she went in alone and his sister was there and recognized her? How could she explain all this? A glance at her watch showed it to be 6:25 and she suddenly grew nervous that Erin Reagan would instead walk up from behind at any moment and demand to know what she was doing there in the sacred driver's seat… perhaps even panic at the sight given her concern over the dangers her little brother faced on a daily basis, which at this time included a five-two bundle of nervous blonde energy bent on doing him some serious bodily harm if he didn't have a reasonable explanation for the radio silence.

"So help me God, if you're not in there…" she trailed off before making up her mind to take the plunge, now concerned that maybe they were all sitting at the table waiting for her and making judgments about the fact that she was late or had chickened out herself. "Lose, lose," she gritted her assessment of the situation before getting out and banging the driver's side door closed hard on purpose, the beep-beep of the locks trailing behind her as she made her way inside. A quick scan of the cozy, moderately full dining room revealed no sign of a single Reagan, and she was just about to turn tail and run when the door opened directly behind her, and a familiar, excited voice called out.

"Eddie! I thought that was you!" Nicki Reagan's somewhat over-the-top greeting cut through the air like a shrill knife and trapped her. "See Mom," she scolded while turning back towards the other woman who had likewise just made her way into the cramped foyer. "I _told_ you it was her getting out of Uncle Jamie's car! You said he would never let anyone else drive it!"

"And you were so right, sweetie," Erin agreed as she raised an eyebrow to size Eddie up with somewhat of an amused chuff as her prosecutor's brain instantly filled in all the blanks necessary to explain the young woman's deer-in-the-headlights, wide-eyed look and her presence here along with Jamie's recent behavior.

"Well I'll be damned, he finally did it, and with a blonde too," she tsked under her breath, recalling that previous long-held preference for brunettes.

"Pardon?" Eddie swallowed nervously as her fight or flight instincts had fully kicked in and were definitely leaning towards the latter although her escape was blocked by these two women who had no intention of leaving her off the hook now that they finally had her in their clutches. "I um… borrowed his car after work. He said I could drop it off here because he was having dinner with you," she panicked and came up with that somewhat-plausible but thinly veiled excuse on the fly, determined now to just throw the keys at them and take the coward's way out running all the way back to her apartment if necessary. "I don't see him here yet, so uh, can I just leave them with you?"

"Oh, no, please stay! We'd love for you to join us! I'm sure Jamie will be here any second if he's not already waiting, in case you haven't noticed, my brother is always _very_ punctual," Erin insisted with emphasis as she quickly stepped in to obstruct her further and purposefully took Eddie's arm to wheel her around, suddenly delighted at this turn of events and planning on turning the tables on her youngest sibling by having him arrive to find her and Nicki sitting at the table grinning like Cheshire Cats with Eddie trapped between them. "Table for four, Robert," she announced to the familiar maître d'. "We're adding one if that's okay… this is Jamie's, um, partner…"

"Girlfriend," Nicki corrected with an unashamed smirk.

"Right… this is Eddie Janko," Erin grinned as she watched their guest turn six shades of red at that public admission.

"Oh, of course, nice to meet you. Mrs. Erin and Ms. Nicki, so good to see you again," the smiling little man nodded his greeting. "Mr. Jamie has already arrived and let me know there would be three lovely ladies joining him for a special dinner this evening. This way, please… I have our finest table and wine already waiting with a spritzer for you, miss."

"Wait, so Jamie's already here?" Erin frowned with disappointment at having the rug pulled out of her little plan to hijack his reveal. "Then where is he?" she puzzled as they were guided to an empty back section of the restaurant with no sign of her brother evident.

"I believe he decided to have a cocktail in the bar while waiting," Robert indicated. "He's been there for quite some time."

"Hold on," Eddie paused since she was aware of more things that were going on in Jamie's life right now than either of his family members. "When did he get here?"

"I believe around four-thirty," Robert reported. "Shall I let him know you've arrived?"

"No, um… just a second," she waffled once more and gave Erin and Nicki a nervous glance given that Jamie had likely spent the last two hours drinking alone while trying to come to terms with what had happened to Gina Walker earlier. "I'll do it," she indicated instead.

"As you wish," Robert agreed cordially as he placed the menus down and pulled their chairs back before departing to go get their server.

"Jamie's been here that long?" Erin questioned with obvious concern. "But wasn't he on duty until then?"

"No… he's had kind of a tough day. He got suspended," Eddie blurted out as she reconsidered taking a direct line to him and plopped down in the chair to offer an explanation instead considering how all this was likely to affect the evening. "It wasn't his fault... but we had a death in custody at the precinct this morning. An eighteen-year-old girl collapsed in the hall and died after the hospital released her. She OD'd in her car on the street yesterday, and he brought her back with Naloxone, but somehow she managed to do it again. We tried that and CPR, but it didn't work a second time."

"Oh, God," Erin sighed as she likewise crumpled into a seat, knowing what a blow that would be for her soft-hearted younger brother to absorb. "So that's why he came here alone… and he's blaming himself."

"Yes," Eddie reported. "The sergeant from IAB… he was a total ass and really laid it on accusing Jamie of everything you could think of. He even made him take a retraining session for the drug delivery even though he did it right the first time. I wanted to cancel coming here tonight to talk about us because it was supposed to be a happy surprise after everything that happened to your family lately, but…"

"He knew I was on to him anyway," Erin surmised. "And Dad and Pop?"

"Yeah, we told them last night before all this, but not Danny yet."

"But why would Internal Affairs suspend Uncle Jamie for that?" Nicki continued to rail against the perceived injustice. "That's not fair!"

"He broke protocol by calling the girl's parents in and letting them talk to her alone before she was put in a cell. She was over eighteen, but really young and naïve; he was just trying…"

"To do the right thing," Erin finished with a sigh while shaking her head and imagining if that had been Nicki on the night when she had been busted with drugs in the car, and several rules were bent and broken for the Commissioner's granddaughter before it was confirmed one of her passengers had sole responsibility for that felony charge. "He gets burned by that every time."

"I know, and after everything else," Eddie trailed off without directly mentioning the family tragedy that had brought them together in the first place. "I'm worried. He's been holding in a lot lately…"

"Because of Linda too, right?"

"Yes… about her and us. He hardly says anything to me about what he does with Danny either," Eddie admitted as she noticed the waitress on the way over, amazed that in two minutes of coming clean to the family she could have such an open discussion with them. "Maybe I should go talk to him before we order. He might not be up for eating. We can do this another time."

"Oh, no," Erin disagreed as she flipped the menu closed without looking before putting it down. "I'll let you in on a little Reagan family secret: everything he needs is right here tonight… you, Nicki, me, and a little mac and cheese," she explained with a knowing smile. "This is the only place we've ever found that makes it just like our Grandma Betty used to… it's his comfort food. Whenever one of us had a problem, or if something bad happened to us, she was always there in the kitchen ready to talk things over while it was baking, and she never took no for an answer. By the time it was ready to eat she had somehow managed to fix everything else. If anything will make him open up, it will be that. Just go get him," she concluded. "And, Eddie… I'm really glad you stayed tonight."

###

"You know it kind of feels like I'm the one being suspended, riding with Ramos and eating tuna fish sandwiches all afternoon," Eddie chided softly to break the tension as she approached Jamie while he was sitting alone purposefully hidden in the back of the bar. "So, I was looking forward to this… I hear they make a mean mac and cheese at this joint."

"Well, I'll trade places with you any day," he replied and took another sip of the same single malt he had been nursing for more than the last hour. "Guess I lost track of time. My phone died while I was in class, but since you got the lowdown on the menu here you must have already run into Erin and Nicki… sorry about that," he offered with an impish appreciative half-grin as she joined him on the next stool. "Glad you stayed, anyway, though."

"Yeah, and you're so going to owe me for that too, buster. Smooth move letting me drop the news on them alone… not that I had to say too much. Your sister figured it out as soon as she saw me get out of your car," she revealed with a smirk. "How's the Naloxone retraining going?"

"Just a constant reminder of Gina's death," he admitted with a sigh.

"Yeah, we need to try to move on."

"Gina's parents aren't moving on," Jamie divulged with a frown while looking down and continuing to twiddle with the glass.

"They're suing?" Eddie concluded as another wrinkle appeared in what had already become a very messy series of events.

"Yep, I would."

"How are we supposed to know you can have a second OD twenty-four-hours after intake?"

"It wasn't a second OD, it was the same one," he explained before sitting back and turning to face her.

"What do you mean?"

"She was just too doped up on the drip for anyone to tell that she still had the heroin in her system," he shrugged.

"So, the hospital's at fault, not you."

"IAB doesn't care about that."

"You saved that girl's life the first time, and you did the right thing."

"Says who?"

"You treated that girl like a human being, Jamie."

"I should have just stayed out of it. Welch and I both should have. Then she would have been in a cell, and who knows what could have happened."

"Then she could have died in her cell too."

"Well, we'll never know."

"Right, we can play the what-if's game all night if you want, but it's not going to change the fact that Gina's gone… or that your family is _here_ right now," she reminded with emphasis. "I'm here. Jamie, you can't hide out in the bar all night trying to forget."

"I'm not... I can't, anyway, at least not on one drink," he assured with another sad, guilty smile as he took the last sip and left the empty glass on the bar before standing up and pointing to it. "And I don't ever want to use that as an excuse to forget about _us,"_ he added with more conviction as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and they made their way slowly back to the dining room to face the music, as it were. "If I've learned anything the last few months, it's that life's too short not to spend every second I can with you. Besides, you must be starving by now, lambchop. Let's go eat."

###

"So, what's eating you?" Erin demanded when they had a moment alone together at the table and she raised an eyebrow at her younger brother who, for the first time that she could remember, had not only failed to finish his serving of Alston's baked mac and cheese, but also could not be coaxed up to go check out the other great attraction at this particular restaurant: a huge, refrigerated 360 degree on-demand revolving dessert case packed from top to bottom with fresh, home-made, mouth-watering pies, cakes and puddings of every type and flavor.

"Nothing."

"Come on; you can't fool me," she probed. Typically not even a health-conscious Jamison Reagan could say no to one of those tempting treats—until tonight. In spite of the sad events of the day, he'd made a genuine effort to enjoy this dinner and the introduction of the newest chapter in his life, but now was apparently running out of both steam and an appetite. Eddie, however, had no such qualms and had jumped to her feet at the mere mention of such a confectionary selection, proclaiming this to be the very best place on earth the moment Nicki pointed it out, leaving her mother with an opening to press some buttons of her own.

"Just pissed off," he admitted openly as he speared a few more creamy noodles with his fork and then just pushed them aimlessly around his plate.

"At your dinner?"

"At our screwed up system."

"Well, at least you're not going to lose your job."

"Yeah, I know I get it. I'm not going to lose my job, I should be happy, right?" he looked up blankly at his sister before smirking spontaneously at the cascade of audible oohs and aahs that was heard from two familiar, very excited voices near the front of the room. "Like them?"

"No, I'm not saying you have to be happy about that… God knows I'm not always happy, but I think it's great despite everything that's happened you have a reason to smile tonight," Erin reminded. "It's just so good to see again, Jamie… we all need more of that, and it makes me and Nicki feel better too. Listen to the two of them," she laughed at the squeal of delight as her daughter's favorite piece of chocolate cheesecake was spotted. "I haven't heard anything like that from her at Sunday dinner either in a while. You're not the only one who's been afraid to be happy in front of the boys and Danny. I'm just so glad you finally went ahead and took the chance with Eddie, and to hear she was there for you all this time is a relief. Now, you need to be able to put some of that behind you… what happened to Linda and this Gina girl is sad, but that's life, and we have to make the best of it."

"It's just… I was expected to save her twice, and me… I couldn't believe I saved her the first time," he managed to get that point off his chest as many similar calls they had been dispatched to lately had ended badly, and that overwhelming sense of hopelessness had weighed heavily on him on top of everything else.

"Well, you're going to lose some… you're going to win some too, that comes with the territory."

"I don't think we're going to put a dent in this war with drugs like heroin."

"Her death's not on you."

"That's not what I'm hearing. You should have seen her, sis... she came back to life before my eyes…" he looked back at her in wonder as he relived that part of this experience. Everything he had always loved about being a beat cop was having the chance to be in the right spot at the right moment to make a difference for someone. "But it didn't matter, couldn't save her in the end."

"You did your best."

"They tell me my best wasn't good enough."

"You do _enough_ , Jamie," Erin emphasized.

"Do me a favor, will ya? Tell the sergeants down at IAB that."

"I don't have to tell them; that part of this will never change… it's the job, and you couldn't pay me enough to do that kind of thing… to lord a mistake or a gesture of compassion against someone just to beat them down with it for not following the rules. On the other hand," she paused with a frown in a moment of self-reflection given her own career as a prosecutor. "Sometimes that's exactly what I do."

"No, Erin… you have a good heart," Jamie disagreed as he was shaking his head. "You try…"

"And so do you," she asserted. "Sometimes too much, but we don't live in a perfect world, and things happen that are out of our control… like overdoses and helicopter crashes," she noted sadly. "I know the last few months have been tough for all of us; we try our best and make a difference when we can, but when we _can't,"_ she emphasized before proclaiming in her best Grandma Betty voice. "Then 'tis time to move on and be happy again, child… just like Daniel has to do now too for his own good. When the good Lord provideths us with lemons, we must learn to cut through the sting and make the best of them, so don't fear telling him as it 'tis. He has the strength within himself to overcome."

"Damn, you sound just like her," Jamie smirked before adding nostalgically, "At times like this especially, I wish she was still here."

"She is, Jamie… just like the rest of them are. We all still think of her, Mom, and Joe too every single day, but I know for a fact Linda would hate to be the reason you were afraid to move forward. You need to tell Danny and not worry about how he'll react."

"I know… I'm not... I will…" he hedged before looking up to see Eddie heading back to the table with a huge smile and an even bigger piece of his favorite pie—lemon meringue, of course—complete with two forks. How could that not be a sign from above?

"There's just one thing I have to do first."

* * *

 _Apologies for the long delay in posting this chapter. I was working on it and had such a clear vision of where it was going then had to put it on hold to deal with a death in the family and just couldn't seem to open it or get my mojo going again afterwards, while the words and ideas to finish one of my other stories were really flowing. So that's done, and it's back to this one. I even got a little incentive to finish last night with those actual Jamko scenes in S8:12… fortune cookies, between the sheets, lol. Will have to work that in somehow, although not with another suspension, it feels like Jamie has had enough of those lately. Next will be the Danny chapter where he finally makes peace with the reveal to his brother, and then maybe a fun take-off on epi S8:7 "Common Ground" at the movie theatre where our lovebirds deliver the baby since there were some cute couple vibes in there as well._


	4. Common Ground

Common Ground

Despite that initial firm resolve to face things right away, Jamie instead took a few more days after the dinner at Alston's with Erin and Nicki to procrastinate and wait for the right moment to approach Danny and the boys. He knew his brother likewise had an eventful week with details of the fatal shooting of the armed stalker at St. Irene's hospital filtering through the cracks to him via Eddie and his father but given the fact that it was already the weekend with the dreaded Sunday dinner looming large the next day, all bets were off since Henry had called and insisted Eddie was welcome and expected. With that in mind, after a restless night's sleep, he finally set his jaw early that morning as the light even broke over the horizon and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek in bed before rolling over to get dressed while she slept in on her day off, determined that time was up, and he had to pay the piper before this stalling made things worse.

"Jamie, seriously it's like… ugh… oh-dark-hundred," came the moaning, yawning protest from bleary eyes unwilling to put forth enough effort to read the alarm clock before her face snuggled back down in the pillow while he pulled on his jeans. "Why are you going for a run this early?" she assumed without actually looking.

"Shhh, I'm not, lambchop," he revealed quietly although that had been the norm for the past few days as he sought out the solitude of the morning to think and work out his feelings over the young girl's death. "Just go back to sleep; I'll be gone for a while," he warned as he found his wallet on the dresser and pulled on a nice tee and button-down shirt combo. "I wanted to drive into the city and pick up some flowers to take to Gina's grave before anyone else comes. They had the funeral yesterday," he advised sadly, having purposefully waited to pay his respects until now so not to intrude on her parent's grief and privacy. "Then I thought I would grab some coffee and head over to Danny's new place so that we can talk. I know he has off today."

"Really?" she asked as one inquisitive eyebrow came up, sensing his reluctance but glad to see that he had finally made up his mind to follow through. "Did you want me to come too?"

"No, I'll handle it," he promised before sitting down on the bed next to her. "I'll be fine."

"I know you will, because he's your brother, and he's going to be happy for you," she assured. "But you're thinking about this too hard. Besides, we've been out for a whole week at the 12th. What are the odds he hasn't already run into someone who told him about us? I'm sure he already knows and is just waiting for you to say something."

"No trust me… I would have heard by now if that was the case," he sighed. "Danny's not exactly patient, and besides, he had to take a few mandatory days of modified after the shooting on Wednesday night. He probably hasn't left his squad."

"Yeah, so you save a girl and get suspended, he goes in alone like Rambo without his partner or ESU and kills a perp then gets a parade… no, I'm kidding," she added at his expected huff. "That's just what the other guys at the precinct were saying. I know what he did at that hospital was no joke. I heard that guy was a certified nut job. Stalking that poor woman, and he didn't even care that he was in the pediatric ward shooting innocent nurses and doctors or scaring little sick kids. Danny did what he had to."

"That's my big brother," Jamie admitted with a sigh. "Linda always hated hearing about him taking those kinds of risks."

"Well, maybe he went the extra mile because the vic was a nurse too," Eddie reasoned as without knowing she had hit a significant nail directly on the head. "That probably made her situation more personal."

"Yeah, maybe," Jamie considered that wrinkle. Had he in fact been overthinking how his relationship with Eddie might affect Danny all this time? As hard as it had been since Linda's death, it felt weird to consider that maybe his older brother himself could one day move on that way… or had in fact, considering the lengths he had purportedly gone through for this Faith Madson.

"I guess if anything it shows he's getting back to himself. He was talking about turning in his papers for the boys' sake for a while before that," he added without mentioning that during a few of those brotherly venting sessions he had gone against the grain of the rest of the family and supported that decision. "He was afraid to leave them too."

"I don't think that's in his DNA, any more than it's in yours to toe the company line and let people like Gina get hurt by the system without somehow trying to help, even if you take the hit for it. Don't ever change, Jamison Reagan… remember, you're a good guy," she encouraged in a familiar way even as her hands reached for the edge of his shirt and pulled him closer. "And you're so good at other things, are you _sure_ you really have to leave this early?" her voice turned sultry and teasing as a rush of blood was enough to make him forget anything else for a time. "Your brother and the boys probably want to sleep in, and I'll have such a hard time going back to bed alone since I'm up now."

"Mmm… yes, you are, and now so am I. How about you take care of that for me?" he murmured and gave thanks once more for her presence in his life as her hands lowered and she deliberately brushed up against him to quickly undo a zipper as he gave in and leaned over her while their lips met in a far more lingering and sensual kiss. "I love you, Eddie Janko."

###

"Officer Reagan?" a soft voice beckoned from behind as Jamie made a hasty turn to try and take his leave without being noticed after spotting Gina Walker's parents standing at their daughter's grave a few hours later that morning.

"I didn't mean to interrupt," he tried to assure while regretting the fact his morning interlude with Eddie had seen him running later than intended as he continued to back away and retreat to his car, a spray of colorful flowers clutched in his hand, and another larger bunch bought impulsively still laying on the front seat.

"Are you here to visit Gina?" her father asked.

"I came to drop these," Jamie tried to explain apologetically. "But I understand you wouldn't want me here."

"Come over here," Mr. Walker insisted in what appeared to be more the tone of an order than a request.

"I'm sorry," Jamie approached tentatively while shaking his head.

"Please, don't apologize," Gina's mother insisted as she held her husband's hand.

"Aren't you in the middle of suing the department?"

"No, not anymore," she revealed with a resigned tone and a glance down at her daughter's grave. "But it doesn't matter, really. Blame's not going to bring her back."

"I'm so sorry, what you must be going through," Jamie empathized, having stood in this same way over far too many freshly disturbed mounds like this during his relatively short life… especially for those like Joe, Vinny, Linda, and now Gina who had been taken too young with so much promise ahead of them. Mrs. Walker was right; in the end, blaming himself or anyone else for those losses had done little to help.

"Officer Reagan…"

"Jamie, please. Call me Jamie."

"Jamie, I've been wanting to thank you," Mrs. Walker added sincerely. "If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have gone to see our little girl before she passed away… wouldn't have been able to touch her… to hug her… we owe nobody but you for that."

Nodding his thanks and overcome with relief at that admission from the two grieving parents, Jamie laid the flowers down; his heart now mended slightly with the knowledge his actions had indeed made a difference for someone, even if things had not worked out as hoped. With a tight smile, he stood up and took his leave since there was another stop that needed to be made not so far away from here now.

###

"So, what do I owe you for those?" A loud, unexpected, gruff voice interrupted his thoughts and made Jamie jump as he knelt on one knee in quiet contemplation in front of a familiar row of headstones in a nearby Bay Ridge cemetery, the newest now adorned with a lovely arrangement of bright flowers initially purchased for someone else but repurposed for this spontaneous stop.

"Jesus," he gasped as his chest thudded in surprise before he stood up and turned to face his brother who likewise had arrived clutching a much smaller bouquet of some of Linda's favorite blooms. "How about some warning next time before you give me a heart attack?"

"What's the occasion?" Danny ignored the request with narrowed eyes and seemed intent on discovering just why his youngest sibling was here alone this morning in front of his wife's grave instead of elsewhere with a certain other blonde as reports of Eddie and Jamie's open admission of their relationship had reached him just as she assumed they would. Despite the family's assurances that he would take the news well and be happy for the young couple as was everyone else, at this moment Jamie could not detect a hint of that sentiment given the stark, almost certain accusing stare he was receiving.

"Nothing," Jamie insisted with a swallow and raised eyebrows as he studied the look and puzzled over its intent. Was that a projection of anger, jealousy or guilt that was being directed back? "Just stopped for flowers to take to Gina's… the girl who OD'd at the precinct this week," he tried to explain figuring that news of his latest suspension had at least been shared by someone else. "They had her funeral yesterday. Thought it would be nice to bring some here too."

"Just for Linda?" Danny pointed out, still set in that cold demeanor that frankly was giving his younger brother the heebie-jeebies and a chill up his spine as he remained locked in that glare.

"No, I… uh, left some for Mom and Grandma too," Jamie defended as he pointed to where he had pulled a few of their favorites out of the bunch and placed them at the base of their stones, as well as exchanged a coin for Joe, something he had taken to doing just as a reminder of his visit. Sometimes the one he's left previously was still there, sometimes not, but he would carry another for luck in his pocket, anyway.

"Yeah, but you gave her the most," Danny noted irritably, now feeling inadequate too on top of everything else as he added his own smaller stems to the display and paused for a second to close his eyes and say hello to his departed love. "Feeling guilty for somethin'?" he accused even though he was most definitely expressing the same sentiment.

"What? No!" Jamie insisted as he grasped what this display of anger was most likely about… his brother knew and was feeling betrayed as feared. "So, you heard?" he assumed with a frown, as much as he'd hemmed and hawed over having this conversation, in all honesty, he hadn't really expected that it would come off this way when the cat was out of the bag, yet here they were facing off with each other in the worst possible place.

"Yeah, imagine that," Danny scoffed as he stood up and stared out into the distance over the rows and refused to meet his eyes. "You got lucky on the worst night of my life, and then didn't even have the balls to mention it to me all these months… My own brother sat there listening to all kinds of my personal shit, and I had to hear about this from that asshat Billings in the squad at the 12th, not you."

"Danny!" Jamie gasped, his stomach dropping as if he'd been sucker punched in the gut at that accusation. "It wasn't like that!"

"Yeah? So, what was it like then?" his brother demanded as he turned to face him. "Tell me!"

"Not here!" Jamie hissed as he glanced back down at the headstone before him which summed up Linda's life and death as a 'Beloved Wife and Mother' in the all too shortened space between two inscribed dates, the other side of the marker empty and waiting for another sad day in the future… one that he had feared might come sooner than expected when his brother confessed to some dark thoughts in those early days when the pain of her loss was nearly too much to bear.

"C'mon, what's with you?" he demanded strongly as he noted the pair of eyes now staring back at him were bloodshot and puffy. For a moment he worried that Danny had found solace from whatever was bothering him in the bottom of a bottle again, then had driven over here in this state on top of that. "There's something else, isn't there?"

"Just came to talk to her," came the blunt admission as his brother's gaze dropped and Jamie caught what he thought was a look of intense guilt. But for what? Surely not this thing with him and Eddie… this reaction seemed out of place and over-the-top even for that. None of this was making any sense.

"Me too, Dan," he acknowledged more softly and tried to use that opening as a way to ferret out the true issue just as he had done patiently for the last few months whenever he had sensed the need. To be honest, he had often felt Linda's presence strongly in all this as if she had been asking him to look over her husband and help him move on, and there had been several one-way conversations with her in this very place asking for guidance in dealing with his brother's grief. "I wanted her help to tell you… I was on my way to your place right after this."

"You really believe in all that, don't you," Danny frowned as he backed down in timbre and stared off again as if he didn't dare look down to the ground where his wife lay. Of all the Reagan siblings, Jamie had always shown the most conviction in that regard, not unlike the what their mother Mary and even Linda had shared, something that Danny himself had found impossible as of late. "That there's some kind of plan behind all this? That you can come here to ask them things you can't get from anyone else, and you really expect an answer, don't you?"

"Of course," Jamie answered matter-of-factly. "You do too, or you wouldn't be here right now, either. You have faith, Danny… I know you do."

"Huh, I almost did," his older brother huffed softly at that irony and shook his head sadly at the comment given the encounter the night before with a particular woman that had set him off on this downward spiral again. "If you only knew how close I came, kid," he murmured under his breath.

"What are you talking about? Just say it, Danny," Jamie urged. "If not to me… then to her. I'll walk away."

"I can't," his brother replied. "Not about this… it's too soon…" he trailed off.

"What is? Are you really mad about Eddie and me?" Jamie questioned. "Because it wasn't like… _that,"_ he insisted, trying to explain how the two had finally come together. "She just knew I needed her, and this time I couldn't let go… then things happened later…"

"The way they were supposed to," Danny sighed as he completed the thought and regretted coming off that way since he had known all these years that the two had carried a torch for each other. "No, I'm not mad for that… it's just… Couldn't you tell me? After it happened, you asked me to trust you, and I told you some pretty bad stuff…"

"Yeah, you did," his younger brother agreed as he thought back to some of those deep conversations held over pitchers of beer, ballgames, a pizza, or nights at the shooting range. "And that's why I couldn't say anything back," he admitted. "You needed someplace to get that out, just like I did when Joe…" he stopped as that caught in his throat and there was a long pause until he continued as he revisited some of his own demons. "Syd never listened to me back then… not really. She never let me say everything I needed to, and because of that, I held it in since it upset her whenever I brought it up, especially after I decided to be a cop. That's why I couldn't tell you about Eddie… it was too soon, and I was afraid," he stopped.

"You were afraid I'd stop talking to you, and go ahead and do something stupid… Kid, it was just that one night, and I was drunk," he tried to explain a comment made in grief that had put Jamie on high alert for months. "I have the boys… I would never leave them too."

"I know, at least I hoped I did, but I was worried if I mentioned what was going on with Eddie, that you'd be afraid to tell me stuff too… and I was scared we'd lose you. I just couldn't Danny… I couldn't lose another brother."

"God! Did you ever tell anyone else about it? Is that why Dad made this big show about getting me out of the house?"

"No! I never!" Jamie insisted as he looked back down. "You made me swear not to… not even Ed knows," he promised. "The only one I ever told was… here."

"And now?" his older brother probed sadly.

"Now, I think you're going to be okay," Jamie admitted honestly. "I really do. You've taken steps. You have a new house… a new start and the boys are…"

"Ready to move on?" Danny asked as he considered his recent moment of weakness. "I don't think they are. Sean's still angry with me because she's the one that died, and I don't do stuff like his mom, and then…" he hedged.

"What?"

"This vic, from the stalking…"

"The nurse?" Jamie prodded, suddenly sure of where this was going.

"Yeah, she's a widow too, her husband was on the job… narcotics. I drove her back to her house after the ex-boyfriend tried to run her off the road to make sure she was safe… and she invited me for a beer to talk…" Danny paused and started to breathe harder. "I left, but after the shooting, she came to the squad, and she asked to see me again, and for a second…"

"You were tempted?" Jamie pushed. "C'mon… get it off your chest, man. Tell her," he nodded back at Linda's stone. "She'll understand. You're feeling guilty because you were attracted to another woman, and it scared you."

"I just… she was pretty and interesting, but I'm not ready, kid… I don't know if I'll ever be ready. It's weird, but I still feel like I'm married, you know, and the boys…."

"It's not weird at all, Dan… she seemed familiar and someday it'll be okay when you decide to start again. Dad was able at some point after Mom, and we were all good with it," Jamie asserted before modifying that comment when his brother returned a dubious look. "Okay, so maybe not Erin, but you and I were, and she came around."

"But I don't _want_ to be ready. Maybe in another lifetime when I'm a bit better at dealing… with certain things…" he trailed off with the pain in his heart and mind evident. "I just want my Linda back," he finally broke down and sank to his knees in front of her. "I'm so sorry, honey… I'm sorry I even thought about it for a second, it's... it's just that sometimes I miss being part of a couple."

"She knows that, Danny," Jamie assured softly as he watched his brother let out some of those pent-up feelings in front of him again. "And it's another reason Eddie and I kept it quiet all this time. We didn't want to hurt you. None of us were there yet. I miss her too."

"You're the only one that lets me do this," Danny finally acknowledged as he sat back on his heels, shaking his head. "Dad and Pop keep asking what they can do to help… Erin too, but I can't say this stuff in front of them. Maybe Mom was right; you missed your calling," he finally huffed and wiped his tears.

"Me? No way. Even Dad says I would never have lasted as a priest."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I've got the conscience, but not the humility… besides, there are a few other things I would miss," Jamie admitted with a smug smile as he considered the morning's most satisfying bedroom venture and the potential for an afternoon recap. "And one of them is waiting for me at home. I promised to take her to the movies later. Are you okay hearing about stuff like that?"

"Yeah," Danny nodded as he finally stood up, definitely feeling as if a weight of guilt and anger had lifted. His brother was right; it had honestly helped opening up to Linda here. Maybe someday in the future, he would find himself at that same place in a relationship again... that exciting part at the beginning full of exploration and introductions, even for a couple who had known each other for years. It was a start at least.

"I'm good," he declared with a deep breath. "Don't keep her waiting, kid… it's about time the two of you were together. I know the boys will think so too, and we'll see you at dinner tomorrow, okay? Let's fill another chair back up instead of putting so many of them away."

"We'll be there," Jamie promised as he clapped his brother on the shoulder, relieved now that this conversation had happened here where it needed to. "All of us."

* * *

 _So, things are sorted between the brothers, and I felt like Danny needed some closure on Linda's passing and that encounter with Faith Madson so he could finally start to move on. Next, my muse is telling me there has to be a way to blend together the baby delivery scene at the theatre with a first Sunday dinner for Eddie and perhaps even some mention of fortune cookies and things going on between the sheets, lol, so I'll work on that. Happy BB Friday!_

 _ETA: Given the fact that our Jamko pair is now actually a "thing" for S9 and opened up a whole new realm of possibilities, I think I will close this particular story and carry on with some standalone pieces. Thanks to everyone for the reviews and comments along the way!_


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